Who Took My Ensure?

This past weekend I saw the Scorsese/Stones film "Shine A Light", in Imax. I suggest if you're gonna see it, partake in The Imax Experience.

I was prepared to not like this, because I hate Mick Jagger & obviously his grizzly puss is gonna be all over that thing. But I was interested in seeing what Marty did with them.

And now I tell you: Go see this film.

I haven't associated The Rolling Stones with rock & roll for years. They're just ... there. Bowie, glam & the promise of new sensations in the 70's rendered them old hat by 1972, but they had a second wind in 1978 due to the worldwide punk insurgence. They were forced to do something since truth be told most of that delinquent snotty mess was their fault to begin with. So as a result we got the brilliant "Some Girls" album, then it was back to being shite.

Anyway, "Shine A Light". Here are some observations:

- Mick Jagger can not dance. Typical white guy, but he can move his hips because he's had fantastic (one would assume) sex. He can march, or flail his arms randomly and point to anything & anyone that may or may not be there. But make no mistake, he is in control. And this digital sound must really be something, because I finally heard many lyrics that I misheard for decades, or maybe he just changed them because he's old & forgot 'em.

- Ron Wood & Keith Richard suck as individual guitarists, but in tandem they are passable. Maybe they just don't give a shit anymore. I seem to recall they used to be pretty good, especially Woody (go back and listen to old Faces albums), and even though Keith could always coast because he had another guitarist to cover for him, he seemed quite capable of lifting a decent Chuck Berry riff or two. But after you've ripped off Chuck Berry for forty-five years, you'd think someone of his stature could add something more. But I still love him, crazy ass motherf@%ker.

- At close to 70 years of age Charlie Watts apparently counts to four better than anyone else, but that's really about the extent of it. No tricky beats or contapuctal grooves here. And it's nothing to do with his age, he's always been this way. (Oh, hi Ringo!) His classic scene: at the end of "All Down The Line" (the first real rockin' moment of the film), the camera zeroes in on him and he's visually winded, huffing and puffing& rolling his eyes, you can imagine him thinking, "shit, that was a workout. I need a break". It's a great moment on film, I just can't put it across on this blog.

- Hillary Clinton's mother thinks she herself is Mick Jagger. The Stones wait around for her to materialize for a meet-and-greet since this show was a benefit for some Clinton-backed organization. Is this why Mick had no problem dropping the occasional "f" bomb during the show? Take that, late-coming mama!

- Christina Aguilera can unarguably carry a tune, has nice pins, knows how to work a stage, but has no idea how to sing a rock'n'roll song. All things that can also be accomplished by Clay Aiken (not quite sure about his legs tho). But he didn't get to do a duet with ol' Jags on "Live With Me". It was creepy watching rubberlips grind his junk into Aggie's ass. Eww, she could be his grandaughter!

- Jack White realizes his place in the rock'n'roll hierarchy, bless his Poletown heart. He conveyed the appropriate balance of awe, respect and step-up-to-the-plate-ability. His duet with Mick on "Loving Cup" was exceptional, & I usually pass that song over. But now I'll give it another chance, ditto Jack, whom I've been down on for the past couple years.

- Buddy Guy got rave reviews in all the press I had read for his duet with Mick on "Champagne & Reefer", but in all honesty he really did next-to-nothing special. I was looking for some badass guitar strangling, but he let me down in that department. And Keith Richard made this grand gesture of giving him his guitar after the song as an offering for his greatness, with an unusually clear and audible "it's yours, man", probably re-recorded during post-production. Did you get that money shot, camera three?

So I bitch about The Stones and their lack of musical greatness, which is unfair because rock'n'roll is not about expertise and perfection. But when you lump those four geezers together, add a hired hand bassist, a horn section led by the capable lips of tenor man Bobby Keyes, keyboard whiz Chuck Leavell and a trio of backup singers (including a guy who hits the notes Mick can't - oh hi, Elvis!) what you get is a fairly entertaining show that you could safely call professional rock & roll.

Ultimately, job well done, because I was entertained by the film, & I could've done with another half hour or so - not that it was short, I was just that into it (that there Imax stuff sure is groovy). And the sound is really nice. And the picture is very clear. There's one great shot of Keith strumming away with a pretty much spent fag in his mouth, and he just spits it out. You can clearly see a shower of sparks spray all over the place. And one of the best shots, provided it wasn't staged, happens at the end of the encore, when Keith gets down on his knees, back to the crowd, & kinda props himself up on his guitar visibly exhausted (unless, like I said, it was staged for dramatic effect) and takes what seems like his last breath; he's down there for quite a long time before finally getting up smiling back at the crowd & walking off.

So if you wanna pick up any cds by them, stick to the anything made prior to and including "Some Girls" (except "Goats Head Soup and "Its Only Rock & Roll", both grossly misguided and uninspired.). Those might convince you of the "world's greatest rock & roll band" moniker.

And you might as well pick them up on April 19, International Record Store Day (recordstoreday.com)