I Wanna Hold Your Head

Today's photo reflects a project 18 months in the making. It's a topiary of The Beatles, grown and manicured in their hometown of Liverpool.

Notice anything different? Check the drummer.

Def Leppard's drummer Rick Something-or-other lost an arm, as did the drummer for The Barbarians, Moulty (just one name, sorry). But this is a bit different. Ringo Starr's bush has literally lost its head.

And you thought he was in trouble when they wanted to chop off his finger in "Help!". He woulda been just like those other two pounders mentioned above.

Seems ol' Ring made a comment recently to the effect that there was nothing he missed about his old stomping grounds, and had no interest in moving back there. Of course the press jumped on that like wiggers on Pam Anderson.

I personally see no problem with his statement. For the most part I don't miss the places I've lived. Sometimes I'll wax nostalgic, but it's usually related to specific times and instances. And let's face it, I ain't no Beatle. Those memories are pretty mundane. And I never want to move back. To any of them. Ever.

Of course he was sort-of forced to explain. He said for one thing, the place he lived in didn't even have an indoor toilet. 'Nuff said. Who wants to take a shit outside?

Yeah, it's just like Lennon's "bigger than Christ" statement, which was taken out of context, purposely. That resulted in the big Beatle record & ephemera burning across America. And when the hubbub settled down, all those idiots had to replace their albums. Ka-ching! Face it, the media are scum. Just ask Princes William & Harry.

I don't think Ringo's being ungrateful, he's just digs Cali too much. Truthfully, the only people that want to be in Liverpool are tourists who want to see the Cavern Club or those old houses in which The Beatles lived (but not shat, apparently) before the money rolled in. Trust me, if your from the states, there isn't anything you'd see that's romantic about those old places. You'd be all like, "eeewwww, they lived there? Where'd they shit?". Poverty in England means poverty. Make no mistake.

Fact: The Beatles were bigger than Christ. Everyone'd rather go see them in concert than sit at mass for an hour. And sad but true, the people nowadays that would fit into that spot that Lennon occupied are a lot less worthy. And fact: Liverpool ain't Beverly Hills. It may be cleaned up now but that's only because they're pushing the "European Capital Of Culture" thing. And that is because of Ringo Starr. So shut the f$@c k up.

So whaddaya think happened to the bush head? You can't sell it on Ebay. May as well shove it up your ass.

Then you can shit it out outside.