The World Is A Better Place

The other day I became a grandfather for the first time. This was an exciting experience, because I saw the little tyke when he was an hour old. His eyes were open for most of that first visit, quite a lot more than they were over the next 48 hours or so. He probably saw all he could take, & thought, "Y'know what - I'm going back to sleep; wake me when the new Dylan box comes out (Oct 7, btw)". Yeah, the modern world makes you jaded real fast.

All throughout the waiting period (I think it's called pregnancy) I was wondering how this was going to affect my normal everyday lifestyle, i.e., I hate people, of which kids are a subset, and how I don't like to be infringed upon by stuff I can't be arsed with. Well, as the big day grew closer, I started thinking about the cool & crazy things I could do with the little brussel sprout, all the info and data and stuff I would pass on. Y'see, I'm pretty sure I'm the most unorthodox grandparent this kid has. The most abnormal one. The one who's closest to his age, spirit-wise if not mentality-wise. Fact is, I really kinda like kids - in their place - when they're being cool 'n all, not bratty & obnoxious & messing up your shit. I really dig a child's sensibility. I like their purity & innocence & honesty. Until grownups get their stinking hands on them.

This is a tough world in which to grow up. I don't envy him, but I will certainly help him. Right after I empty my drool cup & change my diaper. I'll live vicariously through this boy while that's still an attractive concept. I'm always grousing over the fact that at my age I can't pull off a lot of the things I see in mens shops, all these variations on themes from bygone eras. So I'll just take the kid shopping & make him a 21st century me.

But no f$%king athletic shoes or hoodies.