Death Haunts My Summer

This middle month of summer has not been kind to the world of celebrity. Let's have a quick glance at this corpse-strewn planet of ours:

July 3: BOZO!!! Bozo (legally Larry Harmon) is DEAD!!!! Awww no!!!! Who's gonna raise Butchie-Boy now (except he's about 50)? Bozo is dead, and now WGN has to fill two hours of Sunday morning programming. I vote for vintage Meet The Press outtakes, with Tim Russert (d. 6/13/08).

July 4: Jesse Helms. Shit-for-brains self-described redneck politician from North Carolina. Racist. Moron. Anti-integration. Anti-civil rights. Anti-abortion. Anti-gay rights. Glad you're dead, you piece of shit motherf*#cker. Only wish you'd have taken about 5,000,000 of your ilk with you.

July 11: Chuck Carbo. A Nawlins music staple since the 50s, when, as a member of The Spiders - with his brother Chick - he had a national hit with "Witchcraft" which Presley (d. 8/16/77) covered (and once again made more money from). But if you really wanna hear Chuck kick some soul grooves, search the web to stream "Can I Be Your Squeeze" (actually you can listen to it here http://funky16corners.wordpress.com/2008/07/20/chuck-carbo-rip/ ). This is one funky-ass jam.

July 16: Jo Stafford. A singer of pop standards in the late 40s/early 50s. Best known for her hit version of the WWII ballad "You Belong To Me". She was also half of the spoof musical duo "Jonathan & Darlene Edwards" (she was Darlene), in which she sang standards (again) calculatingly off-key while her real life husband, Paul Weston (d. 9/20/96), accompanied her on piano in a decidedly hack fashion. These songs were featured on 60's Detroit horror show "Sir Graves Ghastly" between film segments, with Sir Graves (d. 4/24/07) miming to the songs in drag as "Tillie Trollhouse".

July 21: Roy Shirley. A Trenchtown native, he was a part of Jamaica's first golden age of music. Back in 1967 he had the first big rocksteady hit, "Hold Them", produced by Joe Gibbs (d. 2/21/08).

July 22: Estelle Getty. Probably struggled many years as an actress, but became most famous as the Golden Girls' sassy octogenarian Sophia. She knew how to deliver the lines written for her character, one would only hope she was that tart in real life.

Now on to the wake!!

Everybody's Entitled To One

I have a few trademark sayings - rejoinders may be more accurate; sure sounds spiffy - that make me me. For all I know, they may piss people off, but then any reaction is better than no reaction at all. One of my favorites is my response to visitors' farewell: "thanks for having me/us"; I say: "Thanks For Being Had". I absolutely love that one, don't let me catch you using it. Another fave, and this really isn't a rejoinder, just a real honest-to-goodness saying, is flexibly used with varied verbiage, but the gist of it is this: "heart attacks - everybody's entitled to one."

Recently I have applied this last bon mot to the 21st century version of the pacemaker, the iPod !!!

Everybody's entitled to one - nay, it's de rigeur!!!

I am sceptical of all technology when it first arrives on the scene. That's because I've worked in the technology field for the past 372 years, and have come to know that once all the saps have spent their money on "X" the very day it hits the shops, "X v.2" will be out in one or two months with all the bugs fixed. Common people are such lemmings.

My thing is: I just like stuff. Yeah, I know, that's brash & it rather smacks of gross consumerism, which I would appear to be against (but all the same, it's kinda Warhol-ish, too). But I am still really selective in my "stuff". And I just thought it might be time to have an iPod, regardless of the commercials that make me wanna learn how to pull a trigger.

So I got one for my birthday, and in my own fashion, it took me a week to even take it out of the box for real. And that was prompted by an impending visit from my son-in-law, who is a tech freak and can probably make one, McGiver-style.

I really got into loading it. That process is just as cool as actually listening to it. I have 1500 songs on it so far (it says it will take 3.5 days to run through them all), and it's always in shuffle mode. I have deleted & added songs here & there, & currently have the best summertime mix imaginable.

I don't "buy" songs from iTunes: f%$k that. I own 34,847 cds, no one has much of anything I want & don't already have (except maybe crazed James Brown-flavored African music from the 70s, and guess what, I just downloaded that today!). I just add selected tracks to the iTunes software I downloaded to my PC and keep a central playlist therein. Then the whole shebang gets transferred by dragging-and-dropping and, Bobs-yer-uncle, a 1500 song playlist no radio station in the world can match!

I use it in the car instead of a radio (which I never use anyway), and sometimes at work (when I'm not listening to my fave shows over the web), and I sleep with it most nights at the lowest possible volume. Obsessive? I guess. But I'll tell you this: I'll never be without one from now on.

How's that for an endorsement?

Chin - and batter - Up!

There's really no reason for this brief, useless post. It's just that this photo, and a few others taken from the same event, have been nagging at me the past few days. And now I've finally figured it out...

Here's Norma Desmond, accompanied by hack writer Joe Gillis, played by William Holden stand-in Guy Himbo. She's ready for her close-up, but don't get too close, because her face may melt.

Whatever happened to the unibrow slut from Rochester who ran off to the Bronx so she could be a club kid?

Would You Believe It, I Have A Cold

A great opportunity to use the title of an obscure Huey Smith & The Clowns single. Yes, the one and the same Huey Smith who is one of the Apostles of Nawlins music.

Yes, I do have a summer cold.

They say they're the worst, summer colds; I don't think that's due to their severity level. It's just that it's SUMMER. A cold is for February, so you can call in sick & get under the covers & eat soup & watch Road Runner cartoons.

Whatever. I'm still going to drink mojitos.

I've been sleeping alot. I don't even know if it's mojito-drinking weather or not.

I must be sick. It doesn't have to be a certain kind of weather to drink something.

This is turning into an extremely boring post. I think I'll close out for now.

Moondog, it's all your fault

So I got the stupid bike. Actually, I like it alot. I'm not gonna say love, not just yet. But I'm in love with having it. Isn't that just so 21st-century-american-consumer?

I visited Cleveland this past weekend. What a nice city, from a tourist standpoint. (You never see the shitholiness of a place until you have to work & pay bills there) I went to the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame, and found numerous errors in the information they bring to the unwashed masses. What a surprise. I was really moved by parts of an inductee film they showed. Great performances/artistry/music can choke me up. I was reminded of the fact (which I forgot) that The Ramones, The Clash, Elvis Costello and The Velvet Underground have all been inducted! But I was equally dismayed that The MC5, The Stooges, The New York Dolls and, geez, OK let's say Mitch Ryder have NOT. Other than ol' Mitchy-poo, the others were trailblazers, originators, and just plain super-duper. But you just can't deny Mitch's importance; I mean, the Rascals are in; the Righteous Brothers are in; what, no more blue-eyed soul? Maybe someone should play the jurors "Jenny Take A Ride" again. Oh well. that's my life in a nutshell! Oh yeah, another groovy thing from that inductee flick (which spotlit the gang from each year since 199?) was at the end of the 2006 segment, they just displayed the letter of response from The Sex Pistols, when they refused to be inducted and refused to participate. The place was silent, no soundtrack, no nothing, just enough time to read the letter; I applauded; my wife slapped my hands down.

And my visit to this bunker of rockroll big bizness reminded me of the Michael Shelley radio program (WFMU, what else) I listened to this past week. He was doing a 20 questions/actors studio thing with my favorite DJ, Dave The Spazz, & he asked Dave who the most overrated band was. Dave said "Beatles". Well, OK, I wouldn't totally disagree, because they were shitty musicians, but walking through the R&RHOF I was reminded of more obvious answers: U2, REM, Pink Floyd, Talking Heads, Eagles, Police ... they're just dire, yet they seem to evoke hushed tone reverence.

BUT - the weather was great, had a near-perfect pizza in Little Italy, and got to visit with my daughter & son-in-law. And summer is still going strong!

I HATE SUMMER

Y'know that bike I've been waiting for? The one I alluded to in my last post so aptly titled "hot fun in the summertime"? The one I've been surfing the net reading about until I got to know it as well as it's manufacturers, getting into the "bike groove" searching for pictures of vintage bikes like the ones I had throughout my childhood, looking for boss accessories to enhance my biking experience...Well - I don't have it. The store - which, by the way, initially made quite an impression on me with its knowledgeable and friendly staff, their "hey-I'm-almost-white, dude" black staffers, their stock of really gassy rides and spiffy bells, seats, carriers and all the other crap they could've talked me into buying - well they dropped the ball completely. Customer service: zero. I was waiting for delivery from another shop. I had to call to see if it came in, every day, for three days. Then I had to call, for two days, to see if it was assembled & ready for pick-up. Then I had to call, again for two days, to see if the paint job that was botched would a)reduce the price and if so, I was OK with that, or b)when Electra - YEAH THAT'S RIGHT ELECTRA BIKES THE MAKERS OF MY "TOWNIE 3" (in red) - would get another bike to them. They never - NEVER - made any effort during any of this. And to top it off, every time I was talking to them, they asked if I was calling about MY WIFE'S BIKE WHICH WAS SITTING IN THE GARAGE!!! Needless to say I had to "pull Mr. Prick out of the box", which I don't really like doing because the older I get the more comfortable I get doing that which actually makes me more un-comfortable but hey I'm keeping it real.

So ... DO NOT EVER BUY ANYTHING FROM AMERICAN FITNESS / TREK BIKES, 18517 HALL RD AT THE CORNER OF ROMEO PLANK, MACOMB MICHIGAN 48044. THE MANAGER IS DAN AND HE'S A REAL TOOL.

Anyway, Saturday night I'm out with my brother-in-law (etc. but that's not the point) and I tell him I'm getting a new bike (ahem), and he says, "yeah, I got one, too - ever hear of a "Townie"? I went wacky!

I hope it snows.

Hot Fun In The Summertime

I am just so ... summerized! I feel summer every living moment of every day! Summer is running through my veins like a coppertone & lime drip! June is ending, so there's no turning back, summer is upon us. I'm going on a mini-vacation next week (big-ass one in the fall), which besides seeing family will spotlight rock & roll (much bitching and eye-rolling I'm sure), I'm waiting for the delivery of a brand-spankin' new bike (red!!!), I've re-activated my dj skills in my basement (and I'm rockin'!), and I still have things to look forward to:

- my first mojito of the summer

- my first grown-up cigar of the summer (not the tiparellos I usually smoke)

- my first swim of the summer

- my first shut-off notice of the summer

I could go on & on (well maybe not, I've done a lot already). Summer is such a wonderful time, it's funny how we fuss over what amounts to about two months time. But there are so many small rewards during this season:

- morning commutes without school buses or moms dropping Dylan and Bethany off at school

- corn on the cob

- mojitos

- shades

- some (some, mind) groovy tunes that make you wanna eat a popsicle on the sand

- icy cold red stripe (yes mon!)

- sandals & shorts & t-shirts & bare feet

- open windows & doors

- water becomes a major player

- sunstroke

- mojitos

- baseball (yeah, I dig it now & then)

- the freaks come out at night (like I'd know, mr. suburbia)

- mojitos

Gee it all sounds so wonderful! It's too bad people are losing their jobs left & right, and that gas prices are at an all-time high, and that we lose a little more of our human rights with each tick of the clock.

But at least it's SUMMER!